Archive for November, 2007

Did you know that England is not in fact run by the Queen but is instead under the thrall of one Prime Minister Gordon Brown? Of course you did! Such smart clever readers!

While in England recently, my friend informed me of the exceptional childhood of Gordon Brown, who was chosen at an early age for an experimental, accelerated learning program. “You mean like Ender?!” Indeed, Gordon Brown’s childhood appears to be modeled off of that of Andrew “Ender” Wiggin, which-came-first aside. Consider the following, which might as well be from Gordon’s Game:

When he arrived at university in 1967, he was just 16, having been fast tracked in a pioneering scheme for the brightest pupils. He had succeeded at just about everything he had tried, whether in the classroom or on the sports pitch. But after two terms at university he was left lying in bed in a darkened hospital room, both eyes covered in patches, unable to move or read. The retina in his left eye was detached…

I believe this makes Gordon a bit duller than Ender, but it’s a high bar to meet. On the other hand, I don’t think Ender even attended college, so we’ll call it a wash.

In many schools, the pupil who is consistently top of the form, or teacher’s pet, would often be targeted by bullies. But Gordon won over the boys because he was a precocious talent on the sports field.

Replace “sports field” with “Battle Room” and “precocious talent” with “precision weapon,” and there you have it. And finally:

After becoming leader of Britain’s Labour Party in June of 2007, [Brown] stripped off his Battle Suit, went to his bunk, and wept: for the little boy who had left Kirkcaldy so long ago, for the monster that had replaced him, and for civilisations lost…

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I highly recommend the book Ender’s Game, by Orson Scott Card. It’s science fiction, which is not everyone’s favorite genre, but even my friends who only read Real Literature have enjoyed it. Just replace “Ender” with “Gordon.”

I have attempted to mimic British “spelling” in this post. Let me know if I failed.