Archive for April, 2007

“My gym installed new door handles” is one of the least interesting sentences in the English language, but hear me out, as they are in fact noteworthy door handles. Previously, I had to pull on some piped metallic door handle, the kind you might find on the door of a public library, if you were the sort of person who reads books. Instead, as befits my slow and steady attempts to look like a 300 cast member, I now get to pull on these bad boys:

David Barton Gym Skull Door Handles

Although they are harder to operate than the aforementioned lame library handles, the skulls are undeniably cooler. It’s not clear where one is supposed to grab them, but I stick my hand in the eye sockets, which is how I usually open bisected skulls.

Castle Grayskull

In fact, they remind me an awful lot of Castle Grayskull, by whose power Price Adam turned himself into He-Man. If it’s good enough to turn the effeminate ruler of Eternia into The Most Powerful Man in the Universe, it’ll work for me.

In my random polling, no one is quite sure why they were installed, but I have a theory. The David Barton Gym in Chelsea has a largely male membership. Most members are men’s men, this being Chelsea. In fact, the gym used to be the YMCA, rated highly by construction workers, police officers, and Native Americans. Now, the whole place has the feel of an upscale gay nightclub, with dim accent lighting, Red Bull, and a DJ booth. This is not really my scene, but it is a fine gym nonetheless. My theory is that the skulls are intended to scare away what few women still attend David Barton Gym. From interviewing the only female member I know, I can confirm that the plan is working.