All I Could Possibly Say About Mints

The other day I went to the drugstore and, among other things, bought a lot of mints. In fact, the random guy standing next to me in the candy aisle wheezed to me, “That’s a lot of mints”. Yes, Mr. Random-Guy-In-Walgreens, it is. But $5 will buy you a lot of mints these days. Huzzah for capitalism.

I bought 4 varieties of mints:

• 4-pack of Mentos (Mentes? Mentoi?)
• 6-pack of spearmint tic-tacs
• 2-pack of “Cool Mint” Ice Breakers mints
• a small pack of “Liquid Ice” from Ice Breakers

I wanted some Altoids, but I didn’t want the man in the aisle to think I was weird.

I also bought some Gatorade, which does not go with mints at all. This part of the purchase was driven by the same part of my brain that always screams, “I want a pickle!” right after I pour a glass of milk.

My thoughts on the mints:

Mentos are pretty boring. On the plus side, they take longer to eat and get stuck in your teeth. When I was younger and my mom dropped us off while she played tennis, my friends and I would buy “Fruit Chews”, which were exactly like Mentos, but fruity. We found that if you opened a can of coke and dropped in a Fruit Chew, it would fizz all over the place. I wonder if that works with Mentos?

The liquid ice things are great but small. I ate them all very quickly.

The Ice Breakers mints suck. “Cool Mint” does not really taste like mint. I think I tasted some vanilla in there. Or maybe it’s made from “Cool Ranch”, wherever that comes from.

I think the tic-tacs will remain my staple mint. You get a lot of them for $1.25, and you usually take more than one at a time, so you can bite into them and not feel bad.

The tic-tac boxes have on them “30% larger mints!!” To this, I must give a hearty “So the hell what?” The box isn’t any bigger, and it is filled with tic-tacs, just as before. In fact, with larger tic-tacs, there’s more air in the box. The chocolate ration has been increased, indeed!

You know what else tastes like mint? Toothpaste. I find that when I eat a box of tic-tacs before bed, I don’t think I need to brush my teeth anymore. I don’t think it actually works that way. In fact, I don’t think they’re even on the same team.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 15th, 2004 at 5:35 pm and is filed under Gibberish. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.